How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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