I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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