I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
