Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
