idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
