Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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