Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
