Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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