if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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