You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
