The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's just like the Real World with babies
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
