Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
