Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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