his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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