It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Boobs speak an international language.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
