Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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