the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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