Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
