Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
