if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize