why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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