drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
