i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
