If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
