Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
