Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm really busy with my period
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