it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she looked like the before picture.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
