so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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