Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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