hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
