we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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