I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
