You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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