dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
