so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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