Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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