if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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