Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
