First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
