he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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