he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
