I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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