dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
