just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize