I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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