My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
