I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
