Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
