At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
