Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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