I think I am morally bankrupt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The air was thick with penises
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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