genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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