i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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