do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
