No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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