Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
