Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
