So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
