This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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