At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
