he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize