there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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